Who She Is

[Safarina Lee (Pei Xing)]

There are other chapters on FF.net account but I wont post some of them here since they deal with relationships with the other countries that do not match with the relationships with the countries on this site.

This is a character explanation chapter. Basically it's saying that it will NOT be a fun fanfiction like chapter.

I have been told its a bit bland and not attention grabbing, but I strongly feel that this must be done. One of the things I do not like about hetalia OCs is that there is no explanation on why you give them the characteristics they have. They are supposed to represent the countries so how do they do that?

I do not want my character to be thought of as only having a pretty face with no substance to why she is like that, except for the usual 'I want my character to look appealing'. That's too shallow and sueish for me.

Thus, I have this chapter. It's rather long and, as I said, dry, but I need it here. I apologise once again for this land and uninteresting chapter. The next one would be a lot better... I hope >.>

Italics are for character explanations

Normal is the character description

The format is character explanation then description, explanation then description, Explanation then description and the last two paragraphs are description then explanation.

The format and words are repetitive, but that's part of the character trait as well.

Now, to the bland, explanatory, necessary chapter~~! On with the exposition!

-Start-

If you looked out at the world from a particular cafe chair, you would be able to see a throng of people walking from one place to the next. A group of friends, a solo business person, a small part of a family walking together. Chatting amiably, taking photos of themselves, using their ever present phones. If you sat there looking for days in end, week after week, month after month, you would come to recognize some of them.

That one man, walking by at 9:17a.m. Using his usual brisk walk to get to work. That group of students in uniform would pass by between 6:32 to 6:55 in the evening, gossiping and discussing new movies. They all had very similar bags. All of them being molded to help their society. They have been taught of their country, to push it forward to the future. To know who they should support. Their parents and them themselves being shaped to handle her and no matter the challenges, learn, make note of it, and continue. Onwards, onwards, get to the goal. You would then begin to recognize this one girl. She was usually alone.

She was always walking at the side of the pavement. The right side of her. On rare occasions, she moved to the middle, neither left nor right. She would walk briskly like she was always in a slight hurry and had no time to stop around for anything except her destination. She might occasionally stumble on a stray pebble or twig, but she caught herself quickly and after a brief check on herself, continue as briskly as before.

If you looked at the world from that particular cafe chair, you would be able to see all the surrounding buildings. Tall ones, small ones, stalls and stands. Sometimes it was a field, then a housing estate, then a shopping place. Selling candy and sweets, toys, stationary, glass trinkets, clothes and shoes. If you sat there continuously for days on end, week later week, month after month, you would be able to witness a rapid change of the area around.

Grass lands stripped bare and clothed with cement, towering building reaching vigorously for the sky, trees growing in neat straight lines then everything is removed. A garden now appears with street lamps ensuring there will always be light. The cafe where you sit suddenly sells pastries along with simple sandwiches. But is it still a cafe if fast food is being served? Or if it suddenly sells computers?

*She had light gray eyes today. It was not unexpected though. She had lime green eyes the last time. Her eye color always changed. Blue, brown, green, red, whatever you thought of, she probably had. On some special occasions, her eyes would have patterns. Stars, hearts and even smiley faces. Those were rare though. On other such occasions, she had brownish black eyes, framed by a pair of spectacles. What type did not really matter as she changed them often.

If you looked at the world from that cafe chair, you would be able to see interesting changes from one part of the day to another. Morning, afternoon, evening and night. The people also start to change slightly. The face, the clothes, the style, the demeanor. If you sat there continuously for days on end, week after week, month after month, you would notice the routine changes that are similar, yet different each time. In the mornings rush to where you are supposed to be, but some times alone, other times with friends. Different objects being brought. A bag, a file, a case, a sling. Taking out a cell phone, "Wah! Newest model ah? Cool sia! Eh, den your ol one den how? Can gimme right?" to text a message. "whn u gg 2 scrp tt hp? Ancient aladi"

Then the afternoon brings a new set of people. The streets are more empty, but that family hasn't been here before. Evening means a change of clothes. Shall we go watch another movie? A new one is out! Shops are open, let's have fun! Show us who you are. Night comes but it's still so bright. Show us how you can be. Work? Its over, lets just have fun. Shops close, shops open. Who is that? You've never seen him before. Where are you now? You can no longer tell. The evening crowd is gone, the night crowd dances. Its their time slot allocated to them. Follow it, don't get out of line.

When did she turn herself into a blond? Today? You admit to yourself that you do not recognize that hair ornament. Was it new? Her hair was now layered and styled. Before that were curls and loops and once, you remembered, was in a pixie cut. Hair bands, rubber bands, clips. Odd, where did that one disappear to? Black, red, brown. Dyed or henna? Highlights and streaks, a contest of colors. All the bases were natural though, you admit. You wouldn't find pink or purple there at least. No matter what, it was never particularly jarring. One look and it was black tied back, and a second glance showed brown in plaits. Boundaries which caused much attention were never crossed.

Looking at the world from that same chair, you would be able to observe the many people around. Busy individuals of many colors and backgrounds doing their own work and not really noticing each other and thus not taking offence when they do the same. Tolerance of being in their own respective roles. There was also nothing really said outside if offence is felt. If you continuously sat there, day after day, month after month, week after week, you would be able to see how each one melded together to become one big being. From one to another, actions, words, thoughts, they were all the same and they all fitted together to complete the puzzle.

You witness working together, some enjoying it, some don't, some are indifferent. You think they are different. Style, sense, color, pasts. They know they are different, but to what extent? How much do they know? Why then do they work together? Willingness? Force? Do they know, do they care? Do you know, do you care? How do they fuse together, become one? Some even more than others. All should have a part. It is such a small complex puzzle in the end.

Her skin was brownish. Light and white enough, but tanned brown and honeyed. Which side did she stand on more? The lighter. Her blackish brown, rather large eyes tilted at the corner, upwards. Her young and developing body was small and slim. Asian and young, she could not be past 13. Reaching the 117 cm height, one thing that was relatively odd about her was that she was neither here nor there. She did little to warrant a second glance. Her maturing body did not call to the eyes, her sense of style, while wide, were ordinary when put with the people there. Her hair, while surprising on a girl her age, had no real lasting impressions. She had no signature accessories. She either changed them, or got newer, better ones.

As you observe her, she turns to look at you and you are surprised at her eyes. Bright, smart and intelligent. She had a certainty that she would go far. She was proud of being who she was. She also held an arrogance that said that in one way or another, she was better than you. You could see excellence behind those eyes, a brain that could and would solve her problems in one way or another with ease and sensibility.

But with that surprise, you also feel some sadness. Her eyes where strangely dull. There was a slight frantic desperation to be somewhere fast. Realizing that this was Singapore, you suddenly feel pity for this bright eyed child. This place has trained them to rise and rise quickly in a definitive way. There was no real place for anybody that was not ordinary.

But then again, she was never a really normal person. No nation really was. What really mattered was to try look at the good side of them.

You nod at her, and hesitantly she nods back with a slightly confused smile. It was no matter though, as you know that somehow, in some way, she will accept you to her society. All it takes is some time.

End chapter

And that's it everyone! The explanation chapter of the character.

I apologize if this chapter puts you off, but as I said, I do feel it to be very necessary and will not take kindly to words that state this chapter was unnecessary. Also, please note that all of this is from my point of view so no flaming on that account please.

But first, I have been asked some questions on ff.net so I'm putting up the explanations here as well. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask coz I'm sure some people would not understand as well. :DD

* The whole concept of changing styles (both hair and eye color) was to show that we are always changing. The way the people act in the streets during the different times of the day and who is on the streets, to the changes of the physical land structures. One landmark you pick up today would have a high chance of disappearing in 15 years time and replaced with a totally new one. Some hardly make it through 10 years!

I put in there the stars and smileys eye contacts because there really was a trend once and that it also coincidentally could be placed in how Singapore always tries to be different, unique and stand out. But she never really holds on to these things and keeps on moving on, so these contacts are really rare. Take for example, Singapore created the first ever night safari. Then she moves on to something else. It's like a cycle of create, shine, move on to something else.

So I imagine her to put on these contacts for maybe one day or two, and then put them away and move on to another color. As Singapore does have the new ideas and implement them practically all the time, she would have the different contact for the different occasions. Contacts that are different from the rest.

Thats it. Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think~ ^^

[Sadiq Adnan]

I like it Airi. I like the insight you provide into the characters with this

[Carina Jones]

Wow, I really liked this Airi. It's really interesting.

[Marisha Allan]

This was an awesome read! It was beautiful

[Safarina Lee (Pei Xing)]

Thanks for all the excellent comments everyone~~ ^^ I really appreciate it ^^

The points that I am saying here are basically Singapore, her need to be presentable to the world, how she may not like it herself, some thoughts on herself, her youth, some kiasu culture, the societies culture, her and her past, and finally,her and the standards of the world.

Kudos for those that can find all the hints of the themes! I shall give you Internet cookies!

(Let's start!)

"Fried rice paradise! Nasi Lemak very nice.." Singapore sang softly to herself as she wondered around her small flat. Her HDB apartment. There were guests coming over and there was a lot to prepare. She needed to make herself always presentable and welcoming o her guest countries and there was a lot to change.

First, make the room look bigger. All the other nations (minus Hong Kong) always complained that her house was too small, tiny and cramped. She didn't think so, of course, but that did not really matter. Besides, what could she do? It's not like she could help it. Her living space was small just like her land was small .Her people loved in 'stacked up boxes' so some say but so what? That's what they say and people always love to complain so it would be relatively expected. She couldn't please everybody and if she wanted to stay alive, she honestly needed the people. If you can't spread, stack.

Besides, even she herself was small and tiny. Nearing 120cm tall and 13-ish years old in human standards... Oh all right, 117cm and really only 12 and three quaters. She couldn't help it if she was young. Even in nation years, she was young, only 46 years old. Some of her people were older than her! Actually, a lot of her people were older than her. What with her aging population, but she wouldn't go into that particular problem. Apparently, America also called her "slimmer than a size zero model". But that's only because he doesn't realize the difference in sizes between the two countries...

Secondly, she needed to make her apartment more 'alive'... whatever that meant. More colours? More flowers? Roll out the carpet? It was time to bring out the useless cluttering trinkets she stored up in cases of this. Add more stuff.. for the sake of adding more stuff, she guessed. Just to make the room look 'full', or more cluttered in her own personal belief.

But honestly, why? Why do they like those stuff? It only fills up the room that they complain is already too small. She could never understand these other countries. Why do they like to see stuffed rooms? Or perhaps she was simply being too pragmatic. Definitely not! She just did not see the need to have such useless things around when the space could be used for much better purposes.

Third, refill the fridge and get ready to serve something. Drinks, snacks and a whole meal to offer. Drinks would be either bought from the store, ready to be served, of syrup water like rose or orange squash or even punch. She could also make bandung. Or even tea. Depending on who visits she supposed. Snacks would be keropok ikan or sweets and cakes. Or something of the like anyway. The most important was the meal. The real challenge.

Should the meal be cooked right there and then? Or precooked and reheated? She didn't know how many were coming and she didn't want to waste food so precooked was out of the question. But at the same time, if she cooked there and then, who would entertain the guests? She really disliked being in such situations where she had no full information and thus unable to make the best decisions. Even if she did always have a back-up plan just in case something goes wrong, it was still annoying.

A full meal consisted of rice, some greens, and meat... Maybe fish... Talking about fish, she needed to feed her cat. Her dear little longkang cat that she adored. It was definitely a mixed breed. The cat could be rather vicious at times, but that was no problem for a nation. Singapore healed instantly. The problem was what to feed it. Just like Singapore, the cat loved variety in her food. Cat biscuits, fish or chicken? Friskies of Science Diet? She wondered if her cat would take to dog food...

Back to the current list is four, remember to open the door. Even before they arrived the door must be open. She understood the fact that open doors were welcoming, but it seems like they expected her to open her house doors all the time. What the heck? Why would that ever happen? Sure her economy is always open but to have them want her own house door always open was just a bit too much..

It's like they never heard the term 'personal space'. Besides, what if someone looks inside and like what they see? What if they somehow assume her too be rich and try to break in? Better to be safe than sorry. She did wanted to be careful. It would be very weird to have her door open when everybody else on the same floor had theirs closed. A 'rob me!' beacon. These people are just so weird.. and silly. Haven't they ever wondered why crime rated here can stay so low? Besides the point of her wonderful police force and legislation that is.

Whatever it was, she hoped that all the nations that would be coming would act at least relatively sane. No grinning insanely, no personal questions, no blabbering, and no, absolutely no complaining about the atmosphere of the place, the people, or anything like that! She had a sense of national pride after all.

Then again, normal isn't something found easily in a nation. America's obsession with fast food, Canada's invisibility, China's love for cute things, France's willingness to.. er.. she'd rather not say. They really were not normal were they...? But if that was the case, how was Singapore herself? Was she odd? Was she crazy? Were there any glimpses of .. not-normalness?

"Sia la! How can? I very normal okay! Dey the ones that wierd kan? Not me!"

Shaking her head, she headed to the fridge.

"Alamak! No more eggs! Wah lau eh..." she whined. "Next time must buy three packs. Aiyoh, must oso check got enough rice or not."

Seeing only enough to feed her and her 'maid'/'guardian' she immediately took note to get her to buy another 10kg sack. Plus, she noticed that there was only one bag of onions left. That would not do. She needed to buy another four bags of unpeeled onions. And chili. You could not forget the chili padi. She smirked when she remembered the time when America tried to be heroic and eat three of that tiny chili.

That moment would be forever cherished. A perfect Kodak moment. Which she managed to capture and frame up to be displayed whenever he came over. It was not everyday you get to see the blond turn as red as that and practically have steam billowing out of his ears. It was mean but she was very entertained by that moment.

The ringing of her phone snapped her out of her thoughts. Picking it up, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Ah, girl ah. The house ok? I'm at the store now. Need me pick up anything?"

It was the person Singapore lived with. She was too young to be able to live alone and this person was her caretaker for quite some time now. Her current 'guardian/maid'. Once again, it was no surprise. She was just too young. She was too small and young to live alone. She event went to the usual education system. Does anybody know how horrible it was? To learn the same thing year after boring year at classes? Even when she could go much further. She already secretly has her own university certificate! She took all the courses at home of course. I would be plain weird to have some young girl coming in and out of the compound listening to the lessons. Imagine the stares!

So yes, she was young. A baby nation. Comparing to how England and China call America a kid... She probably wasn't even born yet. And it would be a long time until she was even fertilized... Wait, could nations be fertilized? How was the genetics of nations anyway? Why was she thinking of this anyway? Wasn't she on the phone?

"So, girl, you need anything?"

"Eggs, rice, onions, keropok, fish, cat biscuits, cheese..." the list went on.

So what if there was still more? Better to stock up just in case you ever needed it. Just like how you should always bring an umbrella outside. Just in case it rains. Who knows if it would suddenly spring up on you. The weather report has been wrong before..

"So? Can-a-not?"

"Can ah, but why so much?"

"Eh? Kan aku dah cakap? Ade orang datang lah.." (haven't I said already? People are coming over)

Singapore felt a sudden sense of surprise. She just reverted back to Malay. She only ever did that around her more immediate... Family... Other than that, she did not use Malay as much. Mostly English and Chinese. Not since.. not since many had forgotten that she used to be originally Malay. Not one of the Four Tigers, but a member of the Malay Peninsular.

Did anyone remember the Nusantara anymore? No.. It was just a myth and a legend.

"Oh, yah. Lupe lah. Den how? I drop the stuff off and leave? Or you wan me stay with you?" The speaker cracked, bringing the Nation out of her thoughts.

Oh well, that was the past. No point in trying to think of it now. Old memories were just that. Old memories. Kept as a small reminder, but to too heavily focused on. Besides, there was not much to connect herself to the past anymore.

Nusantara? A ledgend. Kampong village? Scrapped away and replaced with skyscrapers. The Singapore stone? Blown to pieces. Swamps and animals? Cleared away. Colony of the British? He left anyway. National icons? Too old, got knocked down.

Move on and move forward. That was the only thing she could really do now anyway. She never even really had much of a past.. Except maybe the Armenian Church... But that didn't stand out at all.

The rest of the call was a blur. "yes, can, better not, ok" Once the receiver was put down she got to work. It was a complete chore, yes, but it was considered a polite necessity. At least she had her maid/guardian to help her. The she left to return at night when all the nations were gone and Singapore was left alone to entertain her guests.

The house was now changed. Changed to meet standards. The door was opened, the colours were more lively and the room looked bigger.

To meet standards not even her own. She was used to it. Her people was used to it. Her country was used to it.

Opening her doors to other countries was something she needed to do. Whether she like it or not. She had no means to survive alone. She rather envied Russia, America, anyone else. At least they had a choice. It was always there. For her? No. She was always swept up by the happenings of others. Even when she was helping, she was never sure that she really mattered as much to her allies and friends to be sure of their real protection. That was why she always needed to try and be independent.

This was why she always tried to make friends. Why she constantly invited people here. Perhaps that was why she could never really say no to other nations. Why she could only follow along. Why she always vied for attention.

Because without that, she wouldn't really matter would she? She had no real importance, no real role. In that case, nobody would know her, and nobody would care. It would be as if..

She didn't even exist.

Ridding herself of those deperssing thoughts, she plastered a smile on her face. A wonderful and welcoming smile on a cheerful face. Her guests were coming closer and she could almost hear them. She needed to fill herself with energy and cheer. Full of life and excitement. They were already at the lifts. She needed a put forth a good and welcoming atmosphere.

"I think it's down here.."

It was time once again..

"It is from this block right?"

Time to please and be appealing..

"And turn right.."

Time to pretend.

"That should be the door!"

Time to act the part.

"Hey everybody! Welcome in! So glad to see you.."

But then again, when ever was it not the time?

(end chapter!)

Well how was it? I hope you enjoyed it! The next chapter is a slightly darker one, focusing on Singapore and her fears.

[Carina Jones]

I really like this. It's nice to see what's going on inside her head.

[Honda Kiku]

It was in the car, going from Woodlands to Tampines that she started to get lost in the past again. It was going to rain heavily. Very, very heavily. There would be thunder and lightning to boot. It would be a heavy storm, even for typical monsoon standards, and that was when she really noticed it. That was when she started to get lost in her memories of the past.


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She was a tiny island. Not modernized at all. Still close to her siblings and without much of a care in the word. From her little Kampong house, she could always tell when it was going to rain. Then it was always a source of joy for her. The refreshing feeling of rain. But it was more then just coolness and respite from the hot sun. It was a celebration. It was a game. It was a dance.

As the land grew dark, shadowed by the clouds, she could hear the air hold its breath in anticipation. She could feel the silence of excitement of the trees. She could see the impatience of the animals. She could tell the water was already jittery with the feeling. The dance. The carnival. It was coming. She knew it. And she loved it.

As the first drops of rain started to fall, she would dash outside with the sand beneath her feet until she was in her jungles and she would wait for all the performers. Soon enough, the dancers came. The rain swirled with its partner of wind in a beautiful waltz, both so beautiful, ever step perfectly choreographed. They laughed and chattered as the clapped the ground and called for the rest of the party in howls of delight. And the rest of the party came. The booming drums of the thunder brought the rhythm and the lightning brought forth the flare. It was a full ritual with all the members in place. The music, the dancing, the delight.

They called her to join, the laughing winds, and join she did. She twirled with the wind and clapped with the rain. She sang with the thunder and glowed with the flash. Not the star, but one of them. A full part of the merry dance of nature. The trees danced along with them, in their own swaying samba and the earth welcomed the rain with a good joy, reaching and calling for it. The lightning reached out to wave hello, and she waved twirled and greeted back.

She leaped with the time, she sashayed to the feel, she let the carnival move her body to suit the dance. She welcomed them with open arms as they did with her, cheering and calling her name, joining her and moving together.

Time never went by so fast as it did with the dance. By the time she started, she was also done, the carnival moving along to its next destination and it's next stage. She waved good bye and called them to come again soon, and they waved back with the promise of next time. The thrill and exhilaration of the dance was still inside of her as she raced back to her Kampong to her people, who welcomed back the cheeky girl with warmth and love. She couldn't wait to dance with nature again.


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It was a ritual she partook in for as long as she could remember. Her and nature, doing a dance. She wondered when it was that she stopped. She frowned. When did she stop dancing with one of her very best friends?


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She was at her father's house. She was a good little girl, adsorbing what was being taught well and wanting to do her father and her people proud. Still, there were a lot of ropes she had to learn, since she was still new. But learn it she was determined. She wanted to stop those frowns from her father. Those frowns that said plainly that what she was doing was 'unbecoming of a lady'. She could be a lady. She could be a lady just fine, and she would show it to the world, and father would smile at her with all the warmth and love that she could ever want.

Still, when she heard the call, she could not stop from jumping to her feet in the rush of wanting to meet and see the carnival yet again. Running out the door in a blur, she held little thought for the conditions her pretty white shoes could be in sloshing in the mud, of how would happen to her crisp starched dress. It was going to come and she would once again, partake in the dance. She ran and ran to the direction of the forest and lost herself in the trees. She could feel the air around her hold it's breath and everyone looking to the sky in anticipation of the carnival dance. Without fail, it came and delivered.

The booming drums were the splendid entrance for the rest of the party as the dancers and musicians stepped to the beat. With a laugh and a joyful cry, Singapore joined the dance of nature. She twirled and stepped. She jumped and stretched. She reached for the sky and the sky reached for her, the lightning flashing it's approval and the thunder trumpeting it's joy. She whirled with the wind and ran with the rain, sliding in the earth and holding hands with the trees. She sang as loud as she could, and the rest sang with her in the festival of nature.

Like always, it ended too fast. She waved goodbye to the performers as they went their merry way and eagerly awaited the next time she would join the dance,

It never came.

"Singapore! Where have you been! I have been worried sick over your disappearance! Get inside the house this instant!"

She went in quietly, puzzled by why her father was so angry.

There she was taught about nature. There she was taught to fear the lightning. To frown at the thunder. To hide from the rain and shield herself from the wind. They were not her friends. They spoilt her shoes and messed up her dress. They were scary things that she should keep away from. They would make her sick, and then she couldn't play. The wind would make her cold and uncomfortable, ruffling her dress and making her unpresentable. The rain would make her catch a cold. The thunder was loud and unrefined. The lighting was a demon waiting to burn her to a crisp.

The soil disliked the rain and grew muddy. The trees trembled at the wind. The animals hid for shelter. All this she was taught and expected to believe.

Why…? She could not understand, but being the good and obedient girl she was, bit her lip and nodded.

The next time the carnival came, she was grounded in her room unable to escape. Never had a storm seemed so endless or long to her as she yearned to run into their waiting arms and join them in their dance. The called and pleased for her to join them, the wind howling her name in a plead, the thunder booming out to demand her presence, the lightning flashing in an attempt to lure her and the rain touching her window and dripping from it sadly. Though she wanted to she couldn't. Not under the watchful eye of her father figure. Her whole being begged her to go out and play as she did, but she held strong. She nearly broke and the begging of the party, but England anchored her to her room.

After what seemed to be hours and hours, the storm finally turned away. Dragging it's feet along, it sulked and mourned leaving without a part of their party. Looking back for a while, Singa nearly cried at the disappointed look of nature. Maybe next time? It asked hopefully. Singa dared not reply.

Never was she so relieved to see the storm go. Never was she so sad.

She looked to her father and gave him a shaky smile. He nodded in approval. Inwardly, she cried.


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In the car she sighed. That was it then. Another memory of her time with England. She looked out and saw the familiar HDB apartments, and once again, it took her back.


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She stepped off the boat back to Singapore. How long had it been? Very, very, very long. She had grown from the time that she was is England's house,(admittedly not much in terms of height) and she stood proud and tall, finally at her own shores…

She barely recognized the place… Where was all her villagers..? Where were all her Kampongs…? Where were her jungles? Her trees? Where was the Singapore that she had left…?

She looked around wide eyed. She had changed so much…

Following her guardian, she was led to a pretty house by the edge of everything, with a pretty lawn, and manicured flowerbeds. It was so different from her previous kampong house…. Here she knew that once again, even if she wanted to, she could not go running across her land laughing joyously as she once did, without a care in the world. Here she knew that her life in England had changed her, truly so, and that she could never return to the way she was again. Her appearance mattered more than her will. She lifted her skirts and she walked on the gravel, so as to keep them clean, and entered her new home, ignoring the familiar but strangely distant pull of the approaching storm.


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Singapore blinked. She ran a hand through her hair. She needed to stop getting those flashbacks. They would only lead her to the most recent time with the rain… Something she would probably forever think of as sad, as she finally came to the realization that, just as she blocked out the carnival…


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It was after she had gotten her independence. Once she had her HDB blocks. When she was already stabilized and could spare some free time to have fun and relax. She could finally feel like a child again, going out for ice cream and playing at the playgrounds.

She felt it.

It was going to rain soon. It was going to be heavy. She remembered in her time before that she used to be able to dance with them. Perhaps…?

She ran to the nearest waiting land space where there were no buildings or concrete roads to distract her and waited. It came. She was thrilled. The feel of the rain on her skin, cold, but refreshing was one that was a relief to her. All the participants were here. She held up her head, and prepared to join the dance that she had not been able to join for such a long time. She waited for the feel. The moves to come to her. The wind and the rain leading her through the steps while the sky played it's music.

It never came.

She stood there in the rain, soaking wet, looking around at a performance that she was clearly not able to join. The beat was one she did not get. The steps were unknown to her. The music changed in her ears. She had forgotten how to dance with them.

She took a step back. Another step back. She ran all the way back to her apartment, unable to stand the surge of disappointment that had welled up inside of her. Duh. Of course she wouldn't know how to dance with them anymore. How long had it been since she had last done so? Ages. It was natural for her to forget the steps. It was natural for her to be left out of the loop, after so long of distancing herself away.

The rain was a pain. It stopped the play. The wind was troublesome, messing around with her papers. The thunder was loud and distracting and the lightning made shadows on the wall.

She knew that by heart now.

From the safety of her house, she watched the rain. The electric light dimming the lightning. The sound of her headphones, belting out the new hits contrasted with the thunder. The window prevented the rain from coming in, and the electrical fan at her side kept her cool.

She stared at the carnival outside, listening to the music they made and watching their performance.

No longer a participant and a part, she could only watch as they danced on.

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She stepped out of the car as she reached her destination. She didn't look back as she felt the wind start to pick up, and the stage start to be set. She was no longer a part of that world anymore. Instead, she went inside the building, took the window seat, and enjoyed the performance.


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Once upon a time there was a little child who loved to dance. She would dance whenever the circus came to her house and joined their little festival.

But one day, she stopped. She stopped looking at the circus as she concentrated on what was more important. She stopped attending the festival.

Then she grew up. Walking by a circus, she curiously went inside. To her delight, it was the same one that she used to dance with as a child. She went in with a big smile and thought about her childhood. Perhaps she could join them once again?

Alas, her actions finally told her differently. Her joints could no longer move to the same beat it once did when she was young. Her mind could not remember the move and the steps. She was clumsy and everybody knew it.

Gently, the performers too her by the hand and led her to the side platform, where the rest of the audience was.

She could do nothing but to follow. She did not remember the circus, nor did the circus remember her.

Throughout the day, she sat at the side and watched what once upon a time, she was able to join.

(owari)

Singapore is getting more and more aware of how far apart she is with nature, and she is slowly trying to get back what she lost. But Buildings and skyscrapers cannot be torn down just for that. She's trying, but do you think she would be able to ever join nature they way she used to?

[Honda Kiku]

It was in the car, going from Woodlands to Tampines that she started to get lost in the past again. It was going to rain heavily. Very, very heavily. There would be thunder and lightning to boot. It would be a heavy storm, even for typical monsoon standards, and that was when she really noticed it. That was when she started to get lost in her memories of the past.


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She was a tiny island. Not modernized at all. Still close to her siblings and without much of a care in the word. From her little Kampong house, she could always tell when it was going to rain. Then it was always a source of joy for her. The refreshing feeling of rain. But it was more then just coolness and respite from the hot sun. It was a celebration. It was a game. It was a dance.

As the land grew dark, shadowed by the clouds, she could hear the air hold its breath in anticipation. She could feel the silence of excitement of the trees. She could see the impatience of the animals. She could tell the water was already jittery with the feeling. The dance. The carnival. It was coming. She knew it. And she loved it.

As the first drops of rain started to fall, she would dash outside with the sand beneath her feet until she was in her jungles and she would wait for all the performers. Soon enough, the dancers came. The rain swirled with its partner of wind in a beautiful waltz, both so beautiful, ever step perfectly choreographed. They laughed and chattered as the clapped the ground and called for the rest of the party in howls of delight. And the rest of the party came. The booming drums of the thunder brought the rhythm and the lightning brought forth the flare. It was a full ritual with all the members in place. The music, the dancing, the delight.

They called her to join, the laughing winds, and join she did. She twirled with the wind and clapped with the rain. She sang with the thunder and glowed with the flash. Not the star, but one of them. A full part of the merry dance of nature. The trees danced along with them, in their own swaying samba and the earth welcomed the rain with a good joy, reaching and calling for it. The lightning reached out to wave hello, and she waved twirled and greeted back.

She leaped with the time, she sashayed to the feel, she let the carnival move her body to suit the dance. She welcomed them with open arms as they did with her, cheering and calling her name, joining her and moving together.

Time never went by so fast as it did with the dance. By the time she started, she was also done, the carnival moving along to its next destination and it's next stage. She waved good bye and called them to come again soon, and they waved back with the promise of next time. The thrill and exhilaration of the dance was still inside of her as she raced back to her Kampong to her people, who welcomed back the cheeky girl with warmth and love. She couldn't wait to dance with nature again.


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It was a ritual she partook in for as long as she could remember. Her and nature, doing a dance. She wondered when it was that she stopped. She frowned. When did she stop dancing with one of her very best friends?


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She was at her father's house. She was a good little girl, adsorbing what was being taught well and wanting to do her father and her people proud. Still, there were a lot of ropes she had to learn, since she was still new. But learn it she was determined. She wanted to stop those frowns from her father. Those frowns that said plainly that what she was doing was 'unbecoming of a lady'. She could be a lady. She could be a lady just fine, and she would show it to the world, and father would smile at her with all the warmth and love that she could ever want.

Still, when she heard the call, she could not stop from jumping to her feet in the rush of wanting to meet and see the carnival yet again. Running out the door in a blur, she held little thought for the conditions her pretty white shoes could be in sloshing in the mud, of how would happen to her crisp starched dress. It was going to come and she would once again, partake in the dance. She ran and ran to the direction of the forest and lost herself in the trees. She could feel the air around her hold it's breath and everyone looking to the sky in anticipation of the carnival dance. Without fail, it came and delivered.

The booming drums were the splendid entrance for the rest of the party as the dancers and musicians stepped to the beat. With a laugh and a joyful cry, Singapore joined the dance of nature. She twirled and stepped. She jumped and stretched. She reached for the sky and the sky reached for her, the lightning flashing it's approval and the thunder trumpeting it's joy. She whirled with the wind and ran with the rain, sliding in the earth and holding hands with the trees. She sang as loud as she could, and the rest sang with her in the festival of nature.

Like always, it ended too fast. She waved goodbye to the performers as they went their merry way and eagerly awaited the next time she would join the dance,

It never came.

"Singapore! Where have you been! I have been worried sick over your disappearance! Get inside the house this instant!"

She went in quietly, puzzled by why her father was so angry.

There she was taught about nature. There she was taught to fear the lightning. To frown at the thunder. To hide from the rain and shield herself from the wind. They were not her friends. They spoilt her shoes and messed up her dress. They were scary things that she should keep away from. They would make her sick, and then she couldn't play. The wind would make her cold and uncomfortable, ruffling her dress and making her unpresentable. The rain would make her catch a cold. The thunder was loud and unrefined. The lighting was a demon waiting to burn her to a crisp.

The soil disliked the rain and grew muddy. The trees trembled at the wind. The animals hid for shelter. All this she was taught and expected to believe.

Why…? She could not understand, but being the good and obedient girl she was, bit her lip and nodded.

The next time the carnival came, she was grounded in her room unable to escape. Never had a storm seemed so endless or long to her as she yearned to run into their waiting arms and join them in their dance. The called and pleased for her to join them, the wind howling her name in a plead, the thunder booming out to demand her presence, the lightning flashing in an attempt to lure her and the rain touching her window and dripping from it sadly. Though she wanted to she couldn't. Not under the watchful eye of her father figure. Her whole being begged her to go out and play as she did, but she held strong. She nearly broke and the begging of the party, but England anchored her to her room.

After what seemed to be hours and hours, the storm finally turned away. Dragging it's feet along, it sulked and mourned leaving without a part of their party. Looking back for a while, Singa nearly cried at the disappointed look of nature. Maybe next time? It asked hopefully. Singa dared not reply.

Never was she so relieved to see the storm go. Never was she so sad.

She looked to her father and gave him a shaky smile. He nodded in approval. Inwardly, she cried.


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In the car she sighed. That was it then. Another memory of her time with England. She looked out and saw the familiar HDB apartments, and once again, it took her back.


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She stepped off the boat back to Singapore. How long had it been? Very, very, very long. She had grown from the time that she was is England's house,(admittedly not much in terms of height) and she stood proud and tall, finally at her own shores…

She barely recognized the place… Where was all her villagers..? Where were all her Kampongs…? Where were her jungles? Her trees? Where was the Singapore that she had left…?

She looked around wide eyed. She had changed so much…

Following her guardian, she was led to a pretty house by the edge of everything, with a pretty lawn, and manicured flowerbeds. It was so different from her previous kampong house…. Here she knew that once again, even if she wanted to, she could not go running across her land laughing joyously as she once did, without a care in the world. Here she knew that her life in England had changed her, truly so, and that she could never return to the way she was again. Her appearance mattered more than her will. She lifted her skirts and she walked on the gravel, so as to keep them clean, and entered her new home, ignoring the familiar but strangely distant pull of the approaching storm.


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Singapore blinked. She ran a hand through her hair. She needed to stop getting those flashbacks. They would only lead her to the most recent time with the rain… Something she would probably forever think of as sad, as she finally came to the realization that, just as she blocked out the carnival…


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It was after she had gotten her independence. Once she had her HDB blocks. When she was already stabilized and could spare some free time to have fun and relax. She could finally feel like a child again, going out for ice cream and playing at the playgrounds.

She felt it.

It was going to rain soon. It was going to be heavy. She remembered in her time before that she used to be able to dance with them. Perhaps…?

She ran to the nearest waiting land space where there were no buildings or concrete roads to distract her and waited. It came. She was thrilled. The feel of the rain on her skin, cold, but refreshing was one that was a relief to her. All the participants were here. She held up her head, and prepared to join the dance that she had not been able to join for such a long time. She waited for the feel. The moves to come to her. The wind and the rain leading her through the steps while the sky played it's music.

It never came.

She stood there in the rain, soaking wet, looking around at a performance that she was clearly not able to join. The beat was one she did not get. The steps were unknown to her. The music changed in her ears. She had forgotten how to dance with them.

She took a step back. Another step back. She ran all the way back to her apartment, unable to stand the surge of disappointment that had welled up inside of her. Duh. Of course she wouldn't know how to dance with them anymore. How long had it been since she had last done so? Ages. It was natural for her to forget the steps. It was natural for her to be left out of the loop, after so long of distancing herself away.

The rain was a pain. It stopped the play. The wind was troublesome, messing around with her papers. The thunder was loud and distracting and the lightning made shadows on the wall.

She knew that by heart now.

From the safety of her house, she watched the rain. The electric light dimming the lightning. The sound of her headphones, belting out the new hits contrasted with the thunder. The window prevented the rain from coming in, and the electrical fan at her side kept her cool.

She stared at the carnival outside, listening to the music they made and watching their performance.

No longer a participant and a part, she could only watch as they danced on.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

She stepped out of the car as she reached her destination. She didn't look back as she felt the wind start to pick up, and the stage start to be set. She was no longer a part of that world anymore. Instead, she went inside the building, took the window seat, and enjoyed the performance.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once upon a time there was a little child who loved to dance. She would dance whenever the circus came to her house and joined their little festival.

But one day, she stopped. She stopped looking at the circus as she concentrated on what was more important. She stopped attending the festival.

Then she grew up. Walking by a circus, she curiously went inside. To her delight, it was the same one that she used to dance with as a child. She went in with a big smile and thought about her childhood. Perhaps she could join them once again?

Alas, her actions finally told her differently. Her joints could no longer move to the same beat it once did when she was young. Her mind could not remember the move and the steps. She was clumsy and everybody knew it.

Gently, the performers too her by the hand and led her to the side platform, where the rest of the audience was.

She could do nothing but to follow. She did not remember the circus, nor did the circus remember her.

Throughout the day, she sat at the side and watched what once upon a time, she was able to join.

(owari)

Singapore is getting more and more aware of how far apart she is with nature, and she is slowly trying to get back what she lost. But Buildings and skyscrapers cannot be torn down just for that. She's trying, but do you think she would be able to ever join nature they way she used to?