Vene's Robin Hood: Mafia in Tights

[Carina Jones]

Warnings: Definite silliness and random use of foreign language.
Un-betad, and I may have been swapping between names in the narration for Veneziano & Romano (whenever my brain swapped), but I haven't checked yet.

First things first... the current cast listing.

Robin Hood- Vene
Prince John - Prussia
King Richard - Bavaria
Bromhilde - Ukraine
Maid Marion - Ireland
Latrine - Hungary
Sheriff Mervin - France (keeps flip flopping on this...)
Little John - Russia
Will Scarlett O'hara - Belarus
Achoo - Romano
Asneeze - Spain
Blinkin - Turkey
Don Giovani - Scotland (just don't ask....)
Dirty Ezio (mute) - Portugal (keeps flip flopping)
Filthy Luca - Sicily (who has been brainwashed apparently....)
Hangman - America
The Abbot - England
Rabbi Tuckman - Canada (again, don't ask)
Young Lad & "Hey Abbot" - Sea-land
Felafel (Maitre d'dungeon) - Poland
The Mover/Tax assessor (?) - Germany (That castle is not straight! move five centimeters to your left!)
Mime - Greece
Royal Announcer - Denmark
The guy who puts the bear on Robin - Austria
Muktar (head guard) - Lithuania
Churchim (guard who lets them escape) - currently debating on Latvia

Merry Mafia (not mentioned much probably but...)
Greece
Elena (Angel said she had to be there so she is)

[Carina Jones]

Section 1

Robin Hood: Mafia In Tights

AN: Part 1: So Vene realized that most of the jokes wouldn’t work as well in the future, but he still wanted his merry Mafia… so some of our characters have come from the future and become characters back in time. All blame goes to head! Vene.

~~~

The angry red haired man had come out of nowhere spouting nonsense.

“Ye think ye Italians ur sae stoatin! weel ah will shaw ye howfur muckle better we ur! ah will destroy yer empire afore it kin even begin tae form!” ((You think you Italians are so great! Well I'll show you how much better we are! I'll destroy your empire before it can even begin to form!))

Vene was sure that they had never even met this man before so he couldn’t figure out why he was trying to destroy their famiglia. But the protestations had barely left their lips before the red-haired man spoke some very foreign sounding words, however a kick from Lovino had interrupted the weird chant and even the stranger had seemed worried as they were all sucked through the vortex.

~~~

Vene groaned as he opened his eyes. The only thing he could seem to remember was being sucked through a swirling vortex after his fratello, while his sorellina screamed. He looked around in confusion, finding himself on an unfamiliar bed surrounded by unfamiliar faces.

“Ve~ Who are you?”

A woman came foreward and hugged him crying out “Robin! We thought you weren’t going to make it!”

“Ve~ who’s Robin?”

One of the boys around the bed let out a loud guffaw. “That’s you silly. You’re Robin, Robin of Loxley!”

~~~

It had been quite a long time since Vene woke up and everyone started calling him Robin. No one ever listened when he tried to explain that his name was Vene. In the end he did his best to cope and try to speak with an English accent so that his ‘brothers’ would stop laughing at him. Unfortunately they still did everytime he apparently made a “ve” noise.

And then things had gotten really really bad and there was a war and they made him go and fight in these Cruisades! He was doing well fighting, after all until he ended up here he had been raised in the famiglia after all. He had started training himself on the period’s weaponry as soon as he got his hands on them. He had even made quite a name for himself.

But now he had gotten caught and he was being put into the dungeon, ve!

As he followed the guards he could see all of the other people who were being kept here and the guards were really really mean to them! He didn’t want to be here!

Then he was lead to a very strange guard man who was wearing a pink helmet , tuxedo Jacket, and bowtie! Ve~ so strange.

This guard smiled at him and greeted him warmly as he took over ushering him farther into the dungeon.

“So like, Hello and Welcome to your like – dungeon!” The strange guard said, skipping over to him and shaking his hand. “I’m Falafel and I’m like totally the maitre d' dungeon and I’m gonna show you to your totally awesome cell!” The spacey man dragged him to the door and started to drag him through, “Oh like, don’t forget to duck.” Unfortunately this warning was too late. Vene had already banged his head.

Falafel looked over at him apologetically. “Oops, like, I totally forget about that every time. I’m like so sorry.” By this point they had reached the door to the cell and Falafel had another realization. “OH and like we can’t seat you hear without the proper attire. Or you are gonna look like totally dumb in here. Rodrich!” He snapped and an irritated looking dark haired man standing to Vene’s right walked over and forced Vene into a pink t-shirt with a pony on it and placed an itchy fake beard onto his face. Falafel gave a giant smile. “That’s like soooooo much better! Now I’m like gonna leave you in the hands of Muktar, he’s the head guard.” Another guard with longish light brown hair walked up to him and growled a bit. “He’s like totally a tough guy so you’d better like cooperate. And if you need anything, like, don’t hesitate to scream, k?”



Just as Falafel finished speaking there was a scream. “Like, Coming!” He grinned, happily gushing “We're so totally busy!” Before dashing off to attend to his other duties.



Muktar sighed and looked flatly at Vene, although there was a smile twitching at the edges of his lips, “Follow me.” He led Vene over to an isolated chair, “Please sit.” Then he began the interrogation. “Robin of Loxley... where is your king?

Vene wasn’t about to break. “Ve~ King? King? What king would that be?” Vene smiled curelessly, “Do you mean King Richard? Or King Louis?” He paused a moment as if to think, “King Kong? Ve~ oh! maybe Larry King!”

Unfortunately Muktar did not find Vene as funny as he apparently found Falafel. “Impertinent English dog.” He growled glaring, “You shall talk.”

“Ve~ I - don't think so.” Vene replied smiling.

Muktar turned to look at the nervous man standing on the other side of the chair and smirked. “Churchim... please, the tongue looseners.” Vene wondered what was so scary as the other three prisoners nearby suddenly covered their ears, eyes, and mouth respectively. Vene looked slightly more worried when the implement was handed to Muktar. “Speak, you dog. Speak!” Muktar demanded using the metal tongs to grab Vene’s tongue.

“Nuh, uh.” Vene replied shaking his head.

Then suddenly he started pulling on Vene’s tongue, it went farther than Vene expected and it hurt. Tears came to his eyes as they released his tongue and it snapped back to its normal appearance. He clapped his hands over his mouth and tried not to cry.

Muktar said something that Vene couldn’t understand. Forever curious Vene asked, “Wha dish he shay?”

The nervous man just looked over at him and said “Y-You don't wanna know.” Before taking his arm and escorting him to the seat that he would be chained to next to a rather cheerful looking tanned man with green eyes.

“You’re very brave for not un gamberro.” He said smiling.

“Oh, Thank you.”

“I've been in this place por un tiempo. Perhaps I can be of service to you. Do you have any questions?”

“Ve~ What are you in for?”

“Jaywalking.” The man replied. “Mi hijo made me do it, but he’s a good kid really.”

“Veee, I see.” Vene nodded, testing the chains - they wouldn’t be easy to get rid of - and then reached up and took off the beard getting the itchy material off his chin. “It won't be easy getting out of here, ve. What we need is a great feat of strength.” He said nodding thoughtfully.

“Feat of strength?” The strange Spaniard next to him seemed confused, “Al contrario! Now that you're here with me, what we have is great strength of feet!”

Now it was Vene’s turn to be confused. “Ve~ Don't follow.”

The Spaniard grinned. “Do as I do. Put your feet on the bar, dos pies. Now, on the count of kick.” He paused for a moment “Kick!”

Suddenly the nervous guard walked back into the room, “What was that? What was that noise?” He said, quickly walking over to Vene and his companion as the noise seemed to originate there. They were just able to make things look as they were before he got there. It was a close call. They tried to look and sound nonchalant.

“Ve~ Noise? Noise?” He turned to his companion, “Noise?”

“T- The noise you heard was the breaking of this poor man's heart.” The Spaniard suddenly interjected sounding suddenly sad, and very unlike the cheerful soul that Vene had just been speaking to.

“V-ve?” Vene was startled before he realized what the other must be doing and started playing along, “Yes, that's it! Oh oho.” He clutched at his hart looking pathetic.

The Spaniard looked over at him sympathetically. “He's decided to save his own life by betraying his own king.” He shook his head solemnly.

“Oh, yes. That's it. Oh, dannato miei occhi!” Vene suppressed a grin, enjoying the chance to use some of his acting skills.

“Go tell your superiors, inmediatamente, before he changes his mind.” The Spaniard urged.

The nervous guard smiled. “Oh, this is a wonderful thing!”

“Go!” the Spaniard urged.

“It will mean a big promotion for me!” The poor guard looked ecstatic. Vene almost felt bad for using him… Almost.

“Go!” The Spaniard urged again.

“Good news is always rewarded!” The guard was grinning.

“Go. Por favor.” Vene’s companion pleaded. He was getting understandably irritated by the guards desire to inform them of how wonderful this would be for him. But finally the man left the room and they started to unto the chains. Of course that’s just when he comes back and they’re forced to fix it and act innocent again.

“On the other hand...bad news is severely punished.” The man looked worried for a moment before seeming to accept his good fortune “Ah~!” and ran out of the room again.

“Now is our chance.” Whispered the Spaniard as they released the chains. “Quick, follow me! You get that chain, I'll get this one.” Unfortunately the man was far too nice for his own good. But Vene didn’t want to risk this ally turning on him for not doing like he asked…

“Right-o” He replied going to free the other prisoners. There were exclamations as they realized that they were free and they could return to their homes. They quickly used the chains that had once imprisoned them as the means to scale the wall to the big window with a grate over it that would be their freedom.

His companion helped him to scale the wall and then Vene reached down to his companion. “Come on, take my hand!” The Spaniard trustingly grabbed Vene’s hand and he almost smirked. He could have dropped him if he wished; leaving him to get caught, but he might need the other man…. So instead he lifted the larger man up to the ledge with them.

“Allright! On the count of three!” His companion directed their fellow prisoners to open the grate; they all counted and lifted it, shouting joyously as they gained their freedom. The poor guard ran back into the room just as the gate closed and his voice carried to Vene’s ears through the window.

“I just told them the good news, and... and... And I'm in deep shit.”

~~~~

It wasn’t very long before Vene and his companion managed to make their way from where the dungeon was to the beaches. Where the camel racing was taking place.

“It is a very long journey from here to England, mi amigo.” The Spaniard said doubtfully, looking out over the expanse of ocean that Vene would have to cross to reach England.

Vene just shrugged and smiled mysteriously. “Well...I owe you a debt of gratitude, amico.” He said shaking his amico’s hand. “I am called Robin of Loxley.”

The Spaniard grinned, “My name is Asneeze, father of Achoo.”

Vene looked at him in confusion. Were those names? “Bless you.”

“Achoo is mi hijo. He's in England, your country. He's an exchange student. I'd like you to look after him.” Asneeze said handing him a photo. Vene was stunned looking at the photo. It was Lovino! His brother for whom he had been searching all this time. Perhaps he would finally find him soon! “He is in need of guidance.” Asneeze looked genuinely concerned. “He is headstrong and cocksure.” He paused a moment in confusion, “Or is it the other way around?”

Vene rolled his eyes, “Say no more, amico.” He wondered when he would be able to stop pretending to be the nice, noble person people seemed to expect him to be. “I vow on the sacred word of Loxley. I give you my undying pledge, my solemn oath on my father's honour,” Not that it was his real father, “on the blood of my heart. on the word of my soul. On the very center of my being, that nothing shall-” He started getting into the dramatic recitation and was a little irritated when Asneeze cut him off.

“Good, good, good! You must go now, or you will miss the tide, si?”

Oh… Vene nodded. “Well, farewell, mio amico, and not to worry. I'll find Achoo.” He barely held back his snickers at the ridiculous name that his brother had acquired.

“Adiós, mi amigo! Farewell! Safe journey!” The Spaniard kept waving until he could no longer see Vene who had swum out deep into the sea.

[Carina Jones]

Section 2 (this is as far as I've gotten at this point...)

~~~

Somehow Vene managed to swim all the way across the sea to England, a sign proclaiming its name visible from up upon the cliffs. His homeland in this strange time, the place where he might finally find his fratello. He barely even noticed his sea drenched clothes and hair or the seaweed tangled around his neck.

“Home!” He exclaimed “Home! England!” The last word was said with some distaste but being so happy to see land at all he fell to the ground and kissed the sand. However it just got sand in his mouth which was nasty so he had to spit it out. Now he just needed transportation. “A horse! A horse! Mio regno per a horse!”

He wandered off to find the nearest Rent-a-Wreck.

~~~
As he traveled on his rented horse, Vene soon came across someone he was sure he recognized. And he was… being beaten by a lot of guards? Ve~ that didn’t make sense.

“Achoo!?” he questioned checking the picture. “Lovi?” he murmured, surprised dismounting from the horse.

“Bless you!” The guards shouted at him.

“Chigi, I hope no one can see this.” Lovi muttered as he was being beaten by the eight guards surrounding him.

“Ve~ It is him!” Vene smiled and nodded walking over.

He smiled as he watched Lovi turn the fight around and start knocking the guards on their asses. There was the Lovino he knew and loved! He tapped a guard who was trying to get behind Lovi on the shoulder and then ducking the punch thrown at him he threw his own punch into the man’s kidney before getting him in a head lock and using him as a pole to list himself to deliver a kick to one of the other men with both feet.

Busy as he was with the trapped guard he turned to Lovino, “Ve, Fratello, watch my back!”

Another guard came up behind Vene and Lovi just smirked and watched as he punched Vene in the back twice. “Your back just got punched twice, stupido.”

Tears came to Vene’s eyes, but he still reached an arm behind him and punched the guard in the face.

“V-Ve~ What was that for.”

“You took too long.” Lovino growled punching the guard Vene was holding in the face before going off to fight some more on his own.

Vene frowned and grabbed the front of two guards’ tunics and slammed them together. Fratello was so mean. Vene had been looking for him forever! For a moment the guards were down and Lovi walked over to him sullenly.

Ch, G-grazi.”

“You're welcome.” Vene replied smiling brightly.

“Who’re you supposed to be anyway?”

“Ve~ I think now is not the time for introductions, fratello.”

Lovino rolled his eyes. “Hey, Time-out. Mi scusi, stupida cattivi. I am running out of air.” He looked as if the words left a sour taste in his mouth. “Gotta get pumped. Chi scrive questa merda.” He muttered the last part and Vene gave him a stern look for violating the fourth wall outside of the script.

For a moment everything paused as Lovino bent down and grumbling did as commanded by the almighty script. While the guards looked at his sneakers and the little air things on them in confusion.

“Okay, cattivi. Time in!” Lovino said with a savage grin. Anyone who knew Lovi knew this wasn’t going to end well for the bad guys. Soon the two were back to back.

“Ve~ Fratello, do you remember … praying mantis?”

If possible Roman’s grin was even more savage now, “You're looking at him, idiota.”

They proceeded to quickly take on the martial arts form and spook the guards before springing into action. It wasn’t long before they were running in terror from the two. If only they had their guns with them it would have all been complete. Vene thought, smiling as he listened to cries that the two were possessed or witched or something. These people would never understand, they were worse, they were famiglia.

Lovino snorted. “Punks.”

“Ve~ Good work, fratello.”

“Chigi, as if anyone could knock me around.”

One of the braver guards suddenly shouted, “You haven't seen the last of us!”

Vene, irritated at the interruption of his reunion frowned and got out his bow and six arrows. Taking aim at the man he shot all six simultaneously and pinned him to the tree. It would have been so much more satisfying to take out his gun and destroy the man’s face.

The man gulped at Vene’s scary expression, “You've seen the last of us.”

~~~

After they finished fighting Vene decided to bring Lovi to the castle that belonged to the family that had adopted him. Approaching the castle he said, still using the English accent he developed. “There she is, Loxley Hall. Home of my family for seven generations.”

Lovino just rolled his eyes and smacked Vene on the back of the head. “They’re not your famiglia, idiota.”

“Ve~ I know that, Lovi, but they don’t think that way.”

Then all of a sudden they heard a deep voice come from the man in front of the castle, “Let's go!”

As he said this the castle started to move before their eyes. “V-Ve!?” Vene was shocked and quickly jumped off the horse, Lovi following behind him.

“C- che cosa!?”

The deep voiced person continued shouting not noticing them, “Move it! Come on, let's go! We do not have all day. This is not the only castle we have to move today, verdammt!

Vene ran over and started pulling on the front door frame and shouting at the deep voiced blond man. “Stop the castle! Stop the castle! Per Favore!”

The man growled in irritation, but then whistled and the castle stopped moving.

Vene turned to the man stomping his foot. “You, there! I demand to know what is going on here!”

The man sighed and passed over a paper. “Read it and weep.”

“Cazzo! What’s up with that?” Lovi said catching up to his brother.

Vene looked at the paper in confusion. “Ve~ ‘Hear ye, hear ye. For failure to pay taxes, all the lands, castle, and properties of the family of Loxley shall be taken in lieu of payment. Signed, Prince John's Royal Accountant, H.M.R. Blockhead.’” His eyebrows furrowed and Vene frowned looking up at the taller bond. “Ve~! This is a sham! I vow I will restore my castle to its rightful place!”

The blond just sighed and rolled his eyes. “Ja, ja. You vow, we move!” Then started calling to his men to get the castle removed, “Let’s go! And vould you please stop pulling it more on the left than the right! You are five centimeters away from straight! Is that too much to ask for!

Vene gaped as he watched the large castle taken away without care. These people would pay for taking away the honor of his famiglia even if this was only his adopted one!

As the castle was removed he saw that the Loxley Family’s loyal blind servant was still inside the foundations sitting on the toilette and feeling up the picture in “ye olde playboy”.

“Ve~ Blinkin?”

“Ma che diavolo? Who's that?”

“It's Blinkin, the Loxley famiglia loyal blind servant.

Lovino suddenly growled hearing their horse trying to escape. “I gotta get the horse, Feliciano.”

Vene blinked somehow having missed the horse attempting to flee. “Good.” Then he turned distractedly to the servant. “Blinkin!”

“Uh, be right out!” The masked man replied, pulling his clothing back together and packing up the magazine.

Vene sighed rushing over to the man, “Blinkin!”

The man continued trying to fix his belt, “Master Robin, is that you?”

“Yes!” Vene shouted happily.

“Back from the Crusades?”

“Yes.” Vene stated, that was obvious!

“And alive?”

“Ye~es” He liked Blinkin he really did, but he could try one’s nerves.

Funnily, of all of the Loxley’s the strange Robin was Blinkin’s favorite for some reason. They were pretty good friends and it was obvious that he had missed Robin as he rushed to meet him, “Happy day!”

Unfortunately the blind man was thrown off by the lack of the door and walked straight into the Venus d’Milo. Hitting his head rather hard on the statue. “I'm quite sure there was a door there.” He said dazedly. Then he moved his hand and felt the armless figure and shouted in horror, “Master Robin! You lost your arms in battle! Oh, how terrible!” his voice sounded seconds away from sobbing as he reached his hand to hug the figure, suddenly feeling an addition, “But you grew some nice boobs!”

Vene sighed, Blinkin liked to pretend to be oblivious. At least… Vene thought he was pretending… “Blinkin, I'm over here.”

Blinkin was obviously startled and thought he was feeling up a woman… “Later.”

Vene sighed again, “Blinkin, Listen to me. They've taken the castle!” He hissed.

The realization that something was off finally seemed to dawn on Blinkin. “I thought it felt a bit drafty. Gaww, this never would've happened if your father was alive.”

Vene was, to a sighed person, visibly shocked. “He's dead?”

“Yes?” Blinkin nodded as if he should know this.

“And my mother?”

“She died of pneumonia whilst... Oh, you were away.” It finally clicked in the man’s brain.

“My brothers?” Vene started to get excited realizing that he might finally be free of his adopted family, who had somewhat smothered him, although he felt a bit guilty because they had been nice people.

“They were all killed by the plague.”

“My dog, Pongo?” He suddenly wondered about his pets, he had actually cared more for them.

“Run over by a carriage.” He stated sympathetically.

“My goldfish, Goldie?” Tears built in Vene’s eyes.

“Eaten by the cat.”

“ V- Ve, My cat?” Vene was near tears. He had loved his pets!

“Choked on the goldfish.” Blinkin sighed looking downtrodden for just a moment before exclaiming, “Oh, It's good to be home, ain't it, Master Robin!” He suddenly managed to grab Vene into a hug. It was one of those instances that left him to wonder about his supposed blindness.

As he was pressed to the other man’s chest he felt something metallic under his shirt.

“Wait a minute. Wait a minute.” He shoved Blinkin off him, partly for space and partly so that Lovi wouldn’t see, “What is that?”

It took Blinkin a moment to realize what Vene was asking about, “Your father wanted me to give you this. He said that inside is the key to the greatest treasure in all the land.” He said seriously before grinning, “May I keep it?”

“Um. No Blinkin, I think I ought to honour mio padre’s wishes.

“Of course.” Blinkin smiled wistfully before hanging the necklace over the arm Vene held out.

“Come, Blinkin.” Vene said wrapping an arm around the masked man, “Let us leave this depressing foundation. We have much to do, and less time to do it in.”

“Yes.” They started to walk off.

Oi! , idioti, wait up.”

“V-Ve~ Mi dispiace, L-Achoo.” He looked and saw that his brother had caught the horse. “Well done!”

Lovi grumbled for a moment at being forced to use those ridiculous names again, “He's fast, but I caught his ass.”

“Who's that?” Blinkin asked. Lovi glared at the masked man, not trusting him.

Vene blinked forgetting that he hadn’t really introduced them. “Ve~ Blinkin, I'd like you to meet Achoo.”

“A Jew? Here?”

“No, no. Not a Jew.” Vene frowned, “Achoo.”

“Heh, put it there.” Lovi said holding out his hand.

“How do you do?” Blinkin said, extending his hands and somehow catching Lovi in the crotch.

“I've been better.” Lovi growled, sure that it was on purpose.

Suddenly Vene heard something like screaming.

“Ve~? What’s that?”

His question was shortly answered by a short blond boy in a sailor suit running into the clearing they were in screaming.

“Help me! Help me! Save me! Save me!” The boy shouted at them, a panicked look on his face as he ran. He looked directly at the audience and grabbed his face and screamed again.

Lovino rolled his eyes, “Looks like a runaway idiota ragazzo.”

“Ve~ be nice, L- Achoo.” Vene said before turning to the boy, “All right, steady on. What's the matter?”

“They're after me.” The boy shouted, looking behind him for his pursuers.

“Who is?”

Suddenly the sound of several horses, whose riders had obviously no good sense – as they were making trumpet sounds as they rode – came into view.

The blond man on the first horse trotted right up to them and pompously demanded, “Over zat boy ‘and! Ugh, ‘and over - zat boy.”

“Ve~ Who demands it?” Vene asked frowning.

“The Sheriff of Rottingham. Ohonhonhon.” The pompous blond stated preening for a moment.

“And what has the boy done?” Was this supposed to be some sort of Joke?

“’e was poaching in ze king's forest.” The sheriff haughtily declared. “’ e deered to kill a king's dare.” There was another irritated pause before the words were corrected. “Dared to kill a king's deer.”

“And this is an offence?” Vene barely held himself from laughing at the man. Lovi just snorted at the pompous idiota.

“One punishable by death.” The man was condescending and it really grated on Vene’s nerves, “
Where ‘ave you bean?”

“Fighting with King Richard in the Crusades.” Was Vene’s sneered response, “Unfortunately, my father couldn't get me into the National Guard.”

Blinkin and Lovi both snickered at that comment.

“’ow dare you talk to me in zat fashion!” The idiot was incensed, “’Ou are you?”

Vene smirked, knowing his reputation in this place, “I am Robin of Loxley.” He said with a bow.

“Oh Oui Oui. I've ‘eard of you.” The Sheriff sneered, “Zey say you're ‘andy with a sword. Ohonhonhonhon.” Even the man’s laugh was grating, “Let's find out!” The man reached to his belt to pull out his sword. Unfortunately as luck would have it the idiot managed to grab the hilt and leave the blade behind.

Vene rolled his eyes and cut the saddle straps to leave the pompous sheriff hanging upside down and still attached to his horse.

The man glared, “I was angry at you before, Loxley but now I'm really pissed off!”

“Pissed off?” Lovino snorted, “If I was that close to a horse's wiener, I'd worry about getting pissed on.”

Blinkin, Lovi, and Vene all laughed, while the man directed a glare at Lovi this time.

“You know, Zis wasn't a very smart thing for you to have done, Loxley. I'll pay for zis!” Another awkward pause where Lovi and Vene nodded at him, “You'll pay for zis! Kill them!” He shouted to the guards who were traveling with him.

In seconds both Vene and Lovi had their swords pointed at the man’s throat.

“Wait! I've changed my mind.”

“Wise decision.” Vene said smirking. “So until we meet again have a safe journey.”

Vene slapped the horse with his blade so that it would run, smirking as they heard the pompous sheriff’s head hitting the ground and his yelps of pain

“Mind the big rocks! Bastardo!” Shouted Lovi.

The rest of the guards started making their trumpet noises again as they followed their leader’s undignified exit.

“Shut up, you fools!”

“Good riddance to bad rubbish.” Vene smiled.

“Thank you for saving me life, me lord.” The boy said looking up at Vene with worshipful eyes, “I shall tell all I see that there is one man in all of England who is not afraid to stand up to Rottingham and his men.”

Vene nodded, “Good. Tell them that.” Then he felt a bit of his dramatic side coming out again and he solemnly declared, “And tell them also that I vow to put an end to the injustice. Right the wrongs. End the tyranny. Restore the throne. Protect the forest. Introduce folk dancing. Demand a four-day workweek and health care for Saxons and Normans.” He frowned as he was cut off by the suddenly impatient boy. Why did people like interrupting a perfectly dramatic recitation!

“Yes, yes! Good, good. It's getting dark, and I got to go home alone now.”

Vene sighed, “Right, right.”

“Well, bye.” The boy suddenly took off, screaming just like when he had entered.

“Ve~ what an unusual child.”

Lovino snorted. “Idiota ragazzo”

Taking his brother’s hand Vene lead Lovi a bit away from the others to ask him a question.

“Ve, Lovi, where did you get that sword? You didn’t have one before.”

Lovino waved his hand in the direction of the departing guards. “Just took one of theirs, not like the idiota will notice it anyway. What’s with the necklace, Feliciano?” Vene asked, glaring at the chain he could see inside Vene’s collar.

“Ah! Signore Loxley left it for me. He said it has the key for the greatest treasure in all the land.” Vene laughed, “But that can’t be true because Lovi’s the greatest treasure in all the land!” Vene exclaimed.

Lovino just looked down at the ground and blushed.

[Feliciano Vargas]

D'aw~~~ This is really good, KitKat~ what do you need help with?

[Carina Jones]

General checking for errors (I really need to make sure I don't switch names/terminology in narration), and checking on Vene's (or anyone else's) character... I'm not sure how good he is because he can't seem to make up his mind between being nice and being mean, but acting nice because he needs all the allies he can get.

And I'm worried that there's too much speaking and not enough what's going on, or if you're loosing track of who's speaking. (Personally the copy I have is color coded to make sure I remember who's saying what.)
~~~

P.S. You have no idea how often my keys defy me. I'm so lucky I can go back and correct posts for spelling and grammar or I would be losing my mind.

[Feliciano Vargas]

From what I remember of the movie, you seem to be pretty spot-on. So, the only two characters who know what's happened are Lovi and Vene? And the dilemna on Vene being nice versus being mean depends on how you think he is normally. If he's normally mean to you, then you can say that during his moments as 'Robin of Locksley' he's nice, but then he says or does something mean when Lovi reminds him of being himself? *shrug* I don't think it's all that bad, his switching.

Well, you can always go back, right? You're working on a script so it's hard to detail exactly what was going on action-wise. Once you get the first draft done, with everyone saying what you want, you can go back and flesh it out.

[Carina Jones]

Technically there's one more. Hamish when he finally shows up for his part... and potentially Sicily if we can reverse the brainwashing *nod nod*

*shrugs* I'm not sure Vene knows what he wants at this point as far as being mean or not. I think he's something of a cheerful evil, but he's usually nice unless they really deserve it... *facepalm* He's definitely not as innocent as he wants you to think but he sounds innocent even when he's giving advice on doing bad things somehow... I'll see how it works out then.

*nods* true.

[Sadiq Adnan]

After finally getting my laughter under control, this is the only problem I found I put () around what I think you ment


Vene grumbled for a moment at being forced to use those ridiculous names again, “He's fast, but I caught his ass.”

“ Who's that?” Blinkin asked. Vene ((Did you mean lovi??)) glared at the masked man, not trusting him.

[Carina Jones]

You would be right, Silv.

The funny part is that that isn't the first place I typed the wrong name *facepalm* , but I spotted the other one.

[Carina Jones]

And we’re introduced to our Plot Twisting Marion! She’s from the past, but she works well with Plot Twisting Vene.

~~~

Meanwhile at the castle, in another part of Sherwood, a beautiful red haired lady was singing in her bubble bath. She had her hairbrush in hand and was, mostly, brushing her hair. Although sometimes she would stop and start singing into the brush as if it were a microphone – despite the fact that such a thing did not exist…

“Where is the one, that I love most of all? When will I hear her call, Marian, Marian? She is the one, who can make my life whole, Joyful forevermore!”

She smiled wistfully, dreaming of a time that she could find the one that she would love most of all. However, she knew that this could never come to be. For Marion had learned a long time ago that she found herself more attracted to other woman rather than men.

“I've waited so patiently, for a true love. When will she come for me? Where is she? Where is she?” The red haired lady growled as her song was interrupted by several panes of stained glass from the top of the window balcony doors shatter. Her singing voice wasn’t that bad damn it! Stupid window made of stupid bad glass! This was almost as bad as when she found out she was going to have to wait for some guy with a key and then she was just supposed to marry him! Really!?

“Where is the man, Who carries the key?” She frowned impatiently, she had been waiting years, where was this dude anyway! “When will he meet with this Marian, Marian?” And he had best damn well let her go off and decide for herself who she wanted to be with. “I cannot wait, Till’ he sets my heart free! Oh, when will I know him? When will I see him? When will I hear him say, ‘Marian, be with your love’?”

Because Damn-it if he didn’t say that he was going to learn why you didn’t mess with redheads!

Suddenly Marion’s very busty maid walked into the room humming. The blond smiled fondly, yet exasperatedly at her, “Hurry up, Miledi! You better get out of that tub before that thing begins to rust.”

“All right, Broomhilde.” Marion said, climbing out of the bath.

The only things that kept Marion’s appearance modest were the convenient placement of her hair and the Everlast chastity belt that she had been forced to wear. (Seriously, she was supposed to marry some dude, because he had they key? Really? Really? Who the hell thought up that brilliant idea!)

“Hurry! Hurry! It's freezing! Button up. You'll catch your death of cold.” Broomhilde said rushing over with Marion’s robe. Marion smiled, since her parents’ passing Broomhilde had mothered her even more than before. “These castles are so drafty.” She walked over to the gas fireplace in the wall and turned it on, it had turned off earlier and the room had begun to get chilly. Broomhilde smiled, “There, Toasty warm!”

It was just then that a little bluebird flew in the open window, “Broomhilde, look!” Marion exclaimed smiling happily, “A happy little bluebird.” She smiled and held out her hand, “Hello!”

The Bluebird flew over and landed on her hand, “Ah, This means I must make a wish.”

She looked out the window gazing into the distance, “I hope against hope. I wish against wish. That the heavens bring me a kind, wonderful, gentleman. Who possesses the key to my,” Here she gave a long pause - both her and Broomhilde frowning down at the Everlast for a moment - trying to find the right words and failing she settled on, “heart.”

Just as she finished speaking the little bird flew off and Marion gave a sad smile.

“Goodbye, my little friend.” Now if only she could get out of this damned destiny thing just as easily as that bird escaped this castle.

“That happy little bluebird has left a happy little doo-doo on your hand.” Bromhilde noted tisking. She quickly grabbed a cloth and wiped the bird poop off of Marion’s hand as Marion herself was too busy looking out the window and sighing wistfully. Sometimes Bromhilde wished that her charge could get her head out of the clouds, but other times she wished she herself could still live in that happy place where life was fair and good.

~~~
AN: And another scene is done, Marion is Cranky and the German named woman doesn't have a German accent because she's Ukraine. *facepalm*

[ionakirkland]

*dies laughing* This is genius! XD

[Carina Jones]

^-^ you like Marion I take it?

[ionakirkland]

*giggle-snort* Ooooooh yes! Never mess with a redhead. Especially a cranky one with a chastity belt.

[Carina Jones]

*laughs* I'm glad you do ^-^

she's just lucky that "Robin" already has "Achoo" so he'll flirt, but Vene's already playing matchmaker for Inny....

[Carina Jones]

Warning, people keep inserting their native languages… I do not know all of these languages, please correct where wrong if you spot things… Some people also like to speak with a pronounced accent at time…
As before… this is not-betad. I just finished this section.
~~~

While Maid Marion was bathing and wishing that the world was more liberal… Prince John was holding court in the throne room. The Prince was surrounded by his servants, admirers, guards, and a pretty young woman whom he was flirting unashamedly with, when there was a knock on the heavy doors. The guards opened them and the Sheriff strutted in followed by a couple more of the guards.

“Prince Jean, I must speak with you!” He announced huffing and flicking his hair.

The albino prince sighed, “All right, everybody. Später, später.” He waved his hand distractedly dismissing the people surrounding him. However the young woman didn’t leave right away. He turned and smirked at her, “See you La~ter.” He winked.

The vapid blond giggled and blushed, “Oh!” before curtsying and leaving the room smiling. “Kesesesesesese~”

Once the room was cleared out the Sheriff stalked over to the Prince, “Sire, I ‘ave,” He looked at the smiling prince seriously - a frown marring his face, “News.”

At that the prince began to look worried. Even the little yellow chick sitting on his left shoulder appeared to be agitated.

“Vhat sort of news? Not, un-awesome news.” He said hopefully looking up at his most trusted friend and ally, “You know I can't take un-awesome news. And today began so awesomely. I had an awesome night's sleep. I had an awesome b.m. Things have been Awesome! I don't vanna hear any un-awesome news.” He said in irritation. “Now, vhat type of news is it?”

“To be perfectly frank, eet's ‘un-awesome’.” The blond hesitantly replied, barely keeping from backing away.

“Scheiße! I knew it!” John growled and grabbed the goblet that was resting on the arm of the throne tossing it away so that it hit the wall, “I knew it vas un-awesome news!” He visibly restrained himself from any further display of anger, taking a deep breath he thought and came upon an idea. “Vait a minute, I have an awesome idea! Kesesesesese! Maybe if you tell me de un-awesome news in an awesome vay, it von't sound so not-awesome!”

“Ze, Ze un-awesome news in an awesome way?”

“Ja.”

The blond thought for a moment, “Oui, Oui. I can do zat. Ze un-awesome news in an awesome way… Oui…” he muttered distractedly as he thought for another moment. “Well ‘ere goes no’zing.” Then he burst out laughing. John looked at him oddly, but started to smile.
“Ohonhonhonhon! Wait, Wait till you ‘ear zis. Honhonhon. I just saw Robin of Loxley. ‘E’s back from ze Crusades. Hon hon hon. You know, ‘e just, ‘e just – ‘ow you say – ‘beat ze crap’ out of me and my men! O Hon hon hon.”

John started looking distinctly less happy, but the Sheriff continued his laughing recitation of what occurred.

“Y-You know, ‘e ‘ates you et il aime ton frère, Richard! Ohonhonhonhonhon! E-et ‘e wants - ‘e wants to see you ‘anged!” he leaned closer to John pointing at him and then put is face in his hand as he started snorting – which was mostly unintentional, “You and me are in an awful lot of trouble, mon ami~! Ohonhonhonhon!”

“Was zum Teufel? Are you crazy! Vhy are you laughing?! That’s not just un-awesome! That’s terrible news!”

“Well, I –I.. you told me,” Jean could be so ‘ard to read sometimes, “I was just trying to make it moins affreux, mon ami.” The Frenchman hesitantly replied stopping his laughter abruptly.

“Vell, you blew it.”

“Désolé. This is a knotty problem, sire, not easily solved.”

“Ja, you're right.” John pouted. “Vhat to do? Vhat to do? Vhat to do?” He stood from his throne walking to the side opposite of the Sheriif hands gripping the arm almost tight enough to damage the wood as he worried and tried to think. Luckily as usual he soon bounced back to his normal cheery disposition. The Sheriff even was almost startled by the change “Kesesesese! Got it! Latrine!” He slammed a hand down, accidentally smashing the wood, but continued on not noticing it, or the startles peeping from his shoulder. “De crazy voman in de tower! De vun who predicts mein future and hit’s me vith de frying pan!”

“Oh, Oui… Latrine. Brrrr, Is she ugly!”

~~~

John rushed up to the tower to seek the advice of Latrine. As well as brave their usual sparring, maybe if he could keep it to verbal he could win with his awesome this time!

“Latrine! Latrine, vhere are you?” He ran into the room and right past Latrine, “I must talk vith you!” He turned around and suddenly screamed like a little girl. Latrine just stared at him tapping her foot impatiently. “ “Oh, it’s just you voman.”

Latrine stormed over to the table and put down the jar she was holding before slapping his cheek.

“Autsch! Nicht die awesome-mich geschlagen!” ((Ow! Don’t hit the awesome-me!))

“Majd nyomja meg a félelmetes, hogy ha akarok!” ((I'll hit the awesome-you if I want to!))

John grumbled. “Anyvay, There's a new threat to mein awesome! Vhat can you tell me about Robin of Loxley?”

.

“Robin of Loxley? Robin of Loxley. Let me see.” Latrine turned to her mixing bowl and started adding ingredients, “Raven's egg. Blood of a hen.” She saw Johns face go a little green and she got a demented grin, “Little bit more blood, yes. Eyeballs of a crocodile.” She held them out so that John couls see just to make him flintch. He was looking very green now, “Testicles of a newt.” She giggled, “I guess he's a transsexual now.”

“Just get on with it verdammt Voman!” John was very green

Latrine frowned at John, ruining her fun and poured the mixture into the hot frying pan. “Robin of Loxley is handsome and brave. He seeks to regain his famiglia's honour. The little sod could be trouble.” She giggled.

“Are you certain?” John asked worried.

“Certain? You want certain, hire yourself a witch. I'm just your cook.” She shoved the disgusting looking food out of the pan and onto John’s place. “Here. Eat this.”

He looked distinctly green looking at the plate. He didn’t want to try eating it, but he would in order to not be slapped.

“It's fabulous. Looks like a Seder at Vincent Price's haus.” He took a bite before gagging and spitting out the eyeball. Verdammt woman. He decided to poke fun at her. “Such an unusual name, Latrine. Kesesesese~ How did your family come by it?”

“We changed it in the ninth century.” She replied matter of factly. She would be the one to win this round.

“You mean you changed it to Latrine?” John looking confused. “ Kesesese! That’s ridiculous!”

Latrine just smirked at him. “Yeah, it used to be Shithouse.”

“V-Vhat?” He let out a startled exclamation before snickering, “G-guten change. It's a gut change…” he said nodding, “Now, vhat about this Robin fellow? How can I stop him?”

Hungary looked at him with a frightening look in her eyes, “Maybe...I could devise a magic potion.
One that would make him too distracted by yaoi urges” there was a slight drop of blood from her nose which she quickly cleaned up, “to be able to perform the slightest task. But in return... you must help me.” She smirked.

“Vhat are you, kidding?” John smirked, “Name it. An~ythi~ng you vant.”

She came close to his side, with her hand on his shoulder she leaned to speak in his ear. “Put in a good word for me with the Sheriff of Rottingham. I've got the hots for him.” She nearly gagged on that last line and was sickened by what she was about to say, but she knew it would freak him the hell out.

“I, ehgn…” It looked like she had already broken John, but she continued anyway to be certain.

She rushed over to the curtains on the side of the tower and pulled them open. “I keep a likeness of him in my boudoir.” She went up to the life sized photo and started kissing and fondling it. John looked torn between arousal and horror which was making him make the funniest faces, “Ooooh, Rotty. Rotty, Rotty, Rotty.”

“I'm amazed. To think that a handsome blade like the Sheriff of Rottingham vould ever vant a gewalttätige Frau like you.” John choked out looking away.

“Well, if you're going to puncture my dreams...” Latrine pouted, “...you can forget my promise to help you!”

“No, vait! Vait, vait, vait!” John panicked. He probably needed all the help he could get. “Maybe if ve got him drunk.” He paused and she looked at him with a smile she hoped looked hopeful, “Very drunk.” John amended. “You got a shot.”

Latrine giggled happily. “Ooh, good.”

Had anyone turned to see it they would have seen that even the likeness looked disturbed.