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Post by Carina Jones on May 9, 2012 17:13:46 GMT -5
Thanks
*nods* that makes sense I can change that
*shrugs* I know that's normally what would happen. But with these characters having it not happen works. They've been together their whole lives, they're brothers & personifications, and my guess would be that Vin just knows how to read his brother's tone and that he'll get his answers when he gets there.
*hums* Yeah... It's a matter of knowing the characters. Vin's a painter/inventor and a doctor so when you know the characters if Lorenzo's calling him for an emergency it's fairly obvious to Vin why he's needed. I'll see what I can do to try and fit something in there to explain that.
And that should be "pack" and not "back" *headdesk* I swear I've read through this dozens of times and I never noticed.
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Post by Sadiq Adnan on May 9, 2012 17:18:33 GMT -5
alright, well, if thats what makes since with the characters, then that makes sense.
well, in stoies like this, its best not to assume that the people remember details like that, maybe stating bring his medical bag or somthing along those lines would help.
those types of things happens to all of us, I've done that myself, remember my oblivious instead of obvious? You read what you think you wrote, well all do it.
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Post by Carina Jones on May 9, 2012 17:22:16 GMT -5
*nods*
Yeah I'm going to see what I can do about that. It's not something everyone would know, I just didn't think of it because I'm used to working with the character and I don't have a beta...
*nods* Yeah. Still I find it a rather facepalm moment.
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Post by Sadiq Adnan on May 9, 2012 17:27:50 GMT -5
well, thats alright, it happens easily. I had a beta for around a year before their overload of school work took them away so I got used to looking for the why's the wheres the hows and all of that for why characters do what they do. for every action I've taken to thinkiing of a why are they doing that, do they need anything to do that, does it make sense for them to do that?
it happens to all of us, no worries
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Post by Carina Jones on May 9, 2012 17:43:41 GMT -5
I've never had a beta. I used to have Beth but now it's at the point where I get mostly "that's really good" or in this case "Jesus Christ." Most of my beta work is me reading over it myself over and over again and usually finding six or seven things I miss when I finally read it posted.
I'm at a point where I know the characters and things behind them fairly well, although I always run anything with Lorenzo, Vin, Angel, Mafia, etc by their owner because while I know a lot there could always be another little detail that I haven't heard yet and I don't want them to be too OOC (at least for this set of ficlettes).
One of my biggest worries with this is the medical stuff going on because I have really no idea at all except for the knowledge that technically by what I looked up she should have died before Lorenzo got there even, which I'm attributing the lack of death to being a personification. Other thing that's made me nervous is the attack at the beginning because that's also something where I have no real clue about it at all.
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Post by Sadiq Adnan on May 9, 2012 17:50:49 GMT -5
well, it read good, i point out little details that I thing needs answered,. I'll always point that stuff to you.
well, it seems fine, maybe have lorenzo point out that if she wasn't a personifiacation she would have died or something along those lines. at some point you sould probably say the reason behind the attaack besids a belated gift...does ignazo have a grudge and what them dead, or why would he do that? is there an alterer motive?
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Post by Carina Jones on May 9, 2012 17:55:58 GMT -5
Thanks.
I'm glad. I'll see about that.
This segment is a bit open to continuation, I'm just currently stalled. But that is something that could be fun to explain because there is another motive besides a gift... and the fact that he is The Mafia and an asshole.
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Post by Sadiq Adnan on May 9, 2012 18:04:00 GMT -5
*nods* well, good luck with that
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Post by Carina Jones on May 16, 2012 11:56:28 GMT -5
^-^ Well I've updated it... Now what I've got to do is track down mamma vs. mafia and finish out what we didn't get to and make it story format and you can see part of why Ignazio wants his revenge.
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Post by Carina Jones on Jun 15, 2012 10:49:46 GMT -5
Title: Va~! ---(a month or so after “You who so dare, beware, Firenze.”)----
Stella sighed as she tried to get the squirming toddler back into his clothes. “Come on Vivi. You have to be dressed so I can go have dinner...”
“No!” The toddler said with a giggle, squirming once again so that she couldn’t get his arms into his shirt.
“Vivi…” It really wasn’t like talking to him could do much. He wasn’t really speaking much himself although he did know a few words. “No” unfortunately being one of the ones he seemed to have grasped at least a little. “Come now little one, mamma wants to be able to eat.” She murmured, trying once again to catch his chubby flailing arm and direct it into the sleeve.
“Mamma! Eat!” Leonardo giggled and Stella sighed again. Mostly all he did was copycat what other people said…
“Milano if you don’t get over here soon I’m going to just toss your supper out.” Lorenzo called from the kitchen with some irritation. She could hear his foot tapping on the floor as his patience for waiting for her to come to eat wore thin.
“Mio Dio, Firenze! If you’re in such a hurry why don’t you give me a hand with him instead of just sitting there?” She replied, still trying to fight the wriggling toddler back into his clothes. She had just changed his diaper and he was trying very hard to get out of getting dressed again.
Lorenzo huffed in frustration getting up from the table and tromping into Leo’s room, snatching up the toddler and deftly slipping him into his clean clothes before handing him back to her with a flat stare.
“Ve. Simple.” Lorenzo smirked. “Looks like you’ve got some work to do, Milano.”
“Ve!” Vinci giggled, clapping his hands.
“Stai zitto.” Stella shot him a dirty look. He just had to act like it was so easy. “You’ve had more time to figure these things out, la!”
“La?” The boy turned his head to look up at her curiously.
Lorenzo reached out, tapping a finger on Leonardo’s nose to get the boys attention, shaking his head as the boy turned to look at him again. “Ve.”
“Ve?” Leo replied sounding confused as to why his brother seemed to be saying “La” was a bad thing.
“Laaa.”Stella sighed, shifting to hold Leo with one arm so she could rub her head for the headache she could feel forming between her eyes. Sometimes Lorenzo was such a pain in the ass.
“La.” Vinci repeated smiling up at her and Stella’s lips twitched faintly into a smile at his grin as he copied the sound once again.
“Ve.” Lorenzo frowned a faint glimmer of challenge in his eyes. One way or another like most of his siblings the Italies Leonardo, Vinci, was probably going to have a ‘tic’ and Lorenzo was not one to lose to anyone. His brother would pick it up from him, thank you very much.
“Ve~!” Leonardo giggled clapping his hands beginning to enjoy this game.
“La~” Stella said smirking as the little echo repeated. It Lorenzo was going to be such a pain a little payback was the least that he should expect.
“VE.” Lorenzo again stated firmly. Like hell he was losing any challenge!
“La.” Stella replied, a smirk on her face at Lorenzo’s frustrated expression when Leonardo repeated it again.
As they continued going back and forth they soon nearly stopped paying attention to Leo at all. Not to mention forgetting entirely about the food that was growing cold on the kitchen table. Leonardo himself seemed unconcerned with the competitive, nearly hostile, atmosphere as the two elder personifications engaged in a staring contest, going back and forth with their monosyllabic war.
The toddler just continued his parroting game, trying to keep up as the replies between the two got faster and faster. “La ve la ve la ve la ve la.” Leo giggled some more and clapped as it continued on and on. Grown-ups were very funny sometimes.
As the giggles from the toddler got louder the competition lost some of its edge. The hard frowns faded into smiles as they glanced at the toddler who was gleefully repeating. Soon Lorenzo and Stella stopped arguing altogether; falling instead into quiet laughter as the toddler in trying to keep up slipped and slurred them together shouting, “Vela vela vela vela!”, with a bright smile as he clapped his hands.
And for weeks that was how it continued. Each time the child would echo one or the other a slight smile slipped onto their face and they fell once again into the “game” entertaining the child and filling the house with laughter. The tension that they had been living in for the last month seemed to fade away and tempers calmed. For Stella is seemed that the house took on more the atmosphere of a home than the prison it had been.
Almost every night there was another now teasing argument to see who would manage to influence the toddler to their ‘tic’. Not that it was something that was ever really won, except perhaps the toddler who got to enjoy his parroting.
Stella and Lorenzo stood across from each other grinning as they went back and forth, Leonardo sitting on the floor and copying. The two elder nations were shouting playfully back and forth, although Stella was falling into quiet fits of laugher as they did.
“VE~”
“LA~!”
“VE!”
“LA!”
“VEEE!”
“LAAA!”
“Vela vela! Vla Vla” Leo’s little face took on a slight frown as his words slurred more than usual until suddenly… “VA!” He shouted laughing and clapping his hands as his fratello and his mamma turned to look at him. “Va!”
Stella laughed, cooing and picking him up to cuddle. “La~ How cute!” She tapped his nose and he giggled smiling brightly, “It seems that he’s come up with his own.”
“Qte~! Va!” Leo exclaimed grinning at her.
“Ve…” Lorenzo smothered his own laugh. “I suppose it’s a tie then.”
Stella nodded, hugging the little one to her, “Si, I suppose it is.”
Vinci giggled again wrapping his arms around Stella’s neck in a snuggly hug. “Mamma~.”
The toddler was unconcerned as his little hand closed around a curl at the back of her neck, however Stella froze, face going slightly pink as she reached to pull it out of his grasp.
Leonardo looked at her in confusion as suddenly “Mamma” stopped laughing. “Mamma?”
“Milano? Are you well?” Lorenzo asked looking somewhat confused at the abrupt change as well.
“Si, I’m fine.” She replied hastily, still trying to coax the toddler into letting go.
Thankfully something else caught his attention and Leonardo let go of her neck entirely. Instead he reached out with one hand to pat her cheek, “Pinq.” He said with a proud smile, remembering one of the words he knew.
“Ah, s-si.” Stella said, her gaze dropping to the ground. “Pink.”
Lorenzo looked on somewhat concerned as the blush on Stella’s face darkened.
“Va?” Leonardo looked at Mamma seeming to wonder why she wasn’t smiling like she normally did. He patted her cheek again. “Mamma! Pinq!” He giggled and clapped.
“Si.” Stella lightly kissed his forehead with a smile, “Pink. Very good, Vivi.”
Leonardo smiled up at her brightly, delighted at the praise and to have made Mamma smile. As distracted as she was with Leo, Stella didn’t notice Lorenzo’s curious expression turning thoughtful - perhaps even on the verge of plotting…
Leonardo yawned slightly cuddling up to Stella, “Mamma.”
“La~ I think it’s time for little ones to be going to bed.” Stella said with a smile.
“Si,” Lorenzo’s thoughts were derailed at the reminder of the lateness of the hour. “It would probably best for all of us to get to bed and not just the little one.” He said with a faint smile, patting the sleepy toddler on the head.
Stella nodded, carrying Leo into his room to his bed with Lorenzo following. By the time they managed to get the toddler tucked into bed all thoughts of the slightly odd event earlier had been forgotten. It would be a long while before Lorenzo remembered and his curiosity was revived.
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